I hate football (or, What to do in melbourne on grand final day if you dislike football)

Melbourne is a great city, but it has one failing: it's all consuming obsession with sport. One sport in particular dominates the attention of enough Melbournians to make it look like we are all obsessed. Contrary to all appearances, there are plenty of Melbournians who remain sane through the Australian Rules finals season and continue living a sane and productive existence.


On grand final day, we who are not compelled to watch the ugly and pointless game (just my opinion) have a beautiful city to ourselves. It's not a public holiday, so shops are open, and often pretty empty. Cinemas too, are free of chattering patrons, so a movie can be viewed in peace. And lets not forget coffee and food, Melbourne's true treasures. There is less chance of waiting for a table or sitting on a crowded communal table on "the big day".

You could always show your dislike for the game on the big day by attending an AFL (Anti-Football League) gathering, or organising your own. The official Anti-Football League event will be held at the North Fitzroy Star in Newry Street Fitzroy North, a football free zone.

I'll be drinking coffee, reading, listening to music and ignoring the game. The result means nothing to me, like the game. The more serious someone is about football, the less seriously I am able to take them.

Why do I take this stance?

It is a GAME. Years ago it was a suburb versus suburb weekend passtime played by guys who had real jobs. Now it has been corporatised to death, and is a shadow of what it once was. Rich fat guys run it. The young zombies who are paid to play full time are revered for a short lived set of skills and level of fitness, then dumped when their bodies fail them. Furthermore, whilst they are at the top of their game, they get away with real crimes that, if committed by a real worker and member of society, would attract time in jail and public outcry.

It will never go away, so lets just get it over with.

I really hope there is not another draw this year so I can get my town back this weekend!